There is not much to say. This Not Best Dressed List has become a staple in the I Mean…What?!? universe and shall stay in place forever. Why? Because so many fashionistas are clueless. Or just not brilliant. Words speak volumes, but pictures tell the story. Without any further ado, here are this year’s entries onto The CFDA NOT Best Dressed List for your perusal.
Please visit Milk Gallery while the Rankin Live exhibit is going on. All this week, world-renowned photographer Rankin is shooting portraits of people of all ages, shapes and sizes. I am all of the above. Needless to say, any excuse to see pretty pictures should be reason enough to get over there. The best part is that Rankin Live is a global initiative, which I learned on CBS Sunday Morning (my favorite television show), to benefit Oxfoam.
The shoot was so much fun. I arrived to a slew of familiar faces, which is always comforting, especially when you are not the hot, new ingenue on set. Before me was a beautiful woman being photographed with her three week old baby and after me was a handsome, young actor type. Hanging on the walls were pictures of beauties, famous faces, starlets and soon realized then that I needed a good prop and quick. Johnna Escobedo to the rescue. Whereas Johnna is no Rachel Zoe, however, she did fly over to the gallery with my dog Alfie in tow, which turned out to be the best accessory ever. Rankin liked Alfie so much, he posed for his own shot with him as well. I may not be a star, but I sure know how to savor a moment.
SPECIAL NOTE: The entire Rankin Team coupled with the best and brightest at Milk Made were the best part of the process. When a creative endeavor of this magnitude comes together with such professionalism and joy, well, two thumbs up to Mazdack Rassi, for being at the center all this exciting pool of talent. Click on Milk Made to see some images from Rankin Live.
The tide has turned for Sarah Palin. I recently said, “I don’t care how often Sarah Palin appears on Fox News, nor how disdainfully she speaks of our President while giving kudos to Donald “Orange” Trump for being the Birther-in-Chief, the fact remains that the wind is out of her sail and I couldn’t be happier. Michele Bachmann has stolen her thunder and she must be freaking out.” Boy, what a difference a weekend makes. That One Nation Tour Bus is kicking Michele and every Republican hopeful in the pants. Imagine the ego bloat that those two reality stars, Sarah Palin and Donald Trump, must have blubbered on about last night over pizza. They were prattling on about running for the presidency and how much better of a job they would do than Barack Obama. Surely puffed up Donald knows how to deal with the nuance of foreign policy and that aging Barbie Doll can settle the greed issue on Wall Street with a wave of a hand. You know, with that pageant queen wave. Well, it worked on Todd and see how pussy whipped he is. Seriously, imagine a world run by all celebutards. Does not seem too far fetched really. Imagine:
- Jill Zarin, Real Housewives of New York City, Mayor of New York City since we can always use a good mouthpiece.
- Lisa Vanderpump, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Social Secretary, First Lady of the United States…or well…First Lady, but there is no way Giggy could become President.
- Bethenny Frankel, Bethenny’s Getting Married, Betheny Got Married, Bethenny Had Kids, Bethenny Is Annoying, Bethenny Has Skinny Girl Margaritas, Head of ATF (Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives).
- NeNe Leakes, Real Housewives of Atlanta, Head of NRA (National Rifle Association) because of her son’s arrest. Maybe she can scare the be-Jesus out of all those gun-toting Second Amendment mulroons.
- Kate Gosselin, Dancing With The Stars, Kate Plus Eight, Spokesperson for Planned Parenthood. After all, hypocracy rules. Well either Kate or Bristol Palin.
- Kirstie Alley, Dancing With The Stars, Head of Health and Human Services. Picking up where Michelle Obama leaves off with the healthy kids initiative and “Let’s Move” Campaign.
I could go on and on but would much prefer to hear your suggestions.
I am not a betting man so there will be no money on this, but from the tone of Sarah Palin‘s rhetoric, that girl is running for President like I am sitting here in my under-shorts. Never before have we had a potential candidate this confident to the point where she avoids the media, yet they follow her around like paparazzi do to Lindsay Lohan. It is mind boggling. The Washington Press Corps has been reduced to the likes of those who would cover the Axe Body Spray Lounge in the Hamptons. It would not surprise me if Ron Galella mounts a show called Sarah Smile. Sure, the media was obsessed with Barack Obama when he was running and many say that it was that coverage that pushed him over the top to get the nomination. That, and Oprah. But back to the matter at hand.
It is unprecedented how the international media is playing cat and mouse with the One Nation Tour Bus that Sarah Palin is driving. Oh, that photo op is sure to surface, to prove that she is more than capable to run a country because she can drive a bus. You have to hand it to her, though. All the Sunday morning news shows, well, chat shows with current event themes, were talking about Sarah. Not Tim “Snooze” Pawlenty or Ron “Codger” Paul or even Newt “Toodles” Gingrich. Nope, not so much as a mention, except to say that they were all amused that Sarah Palin was getting all the coverage and sucking the wind out of all their sails.
The Jersey Shore kids are gross. Not Gross Baboons necessarily, just gross. They are so wrong in so many ways. Have you been to Florence? It is by far one of the most beautiful cities in the world. They needed to have a pack of steroid-ed gumbas trouncing around the Ponte Vecchio like I am going to the moon. Reports from Italy have the locals cringing from horror that this somehow represents Italians in the United States. And then everyone wonders why Europeans turn down their noses down at Americans. The worst part is now that the Jersey Snore kids have terrorized Florence, Italians will equate ding-dong Guidos and Guidettes with the state of New Jersey. As someone who originated from the state of New Jersey, there is no state pride when it comes to these clowns, especially because overall they are not really from New Jersey. Let’s see, we have Staten Island, think about it, have you ever slept with anyone from Staten Island? Then there’s Providence, known for…well…now known for DJ Pauly D. What a legacy, yeesh. Long Island, which opens up a whole can of worms and Upstate New York, which when one thinks of Upstate New York residents, alcoholism and no teeth comes to mind. As a whole, they have besmirched the name of the Garden State. Yes, I ran from Jersey the first chance I got, but I have come to appreciate it over the years. Now even that is hard to do with all the publicity these classless clowns get. Now this is a situation.
Leave it up to Sarah Palin, with her grossly misguided sense of self, to launch her comeback from stupidity on Memorial Day Weekend. Kicking off in Washington DC, while grossly using the Vietnam War veterans to pull at heart strings, get ready for a calculated, lame attempt to prove to America, that her One Nation Tour is all about them and not about her. And if you believe that for one second you toothless Tea Party zealot, well, by all means sign up here to buy a piece of what’s left of the Poconos. Sarah Palin and her yahoo family are everything wrong with where we are as a nation, clouded in secrecy, illegitimate pregnancies, bigotry, hypocrisy, pageantry. Heck, she sure has what it takes to win the hearts and minds of clumps of people, but it will not work overall. She and Michele Bachmann can run all they want for president, but will no way come close to winning anything but a beauty contest and a nutbag of the year award. In her announcement of the One Nation Tour online, she talks of promoting patriotic events and the Fundamental Restoration of America. Fundamental as in fundamentalists? This whole thing reeks of a calculated effort to wash away her endless stupid remarks, ones that even caused her boss at Fox News, Roger Ailes, to say that she is stupid. Well, she is. And I find it hard to swallow that all these right wing zealots are in for the PR hustle of the century. And because the media is so friggen stupid too, they will cover this tour like it’s Lady Gaga…which, if you must know, has been over-bloated as well.
Katie Couric, sharpen your pencil!
Now Is The Summer Of My Discontent
Two nice days back to back and summer is officially here. This just shows how desperately I to cling to the notion that the winter is finally over; though deep down I fear that there is one more cold snap lurking. There are two times that I have moved to Los Angeles, both after long, arduous, bitter winters. First in 1989, returning five years later and then again in 1998 until 2003. New York is a great city to live and a great city to leave. It’s a long story, not for now. My point is that summer is here. It is time to make some plans for when I write, “What I did this summer”. Somewhere in April, I swore off New York City again and began planning to head out west, but am I going to do that again? Need to think, need to think. One thing I know, is that neither the Hamptons nor Fire Island will be my destination of choice this season. The New York Times Style has laid out all the best of the new Hamptons hot spots as well as a feature story on the commercial overhaul taking place on Fire Island Pines by Andrew Kirtzman. Just to date me, my favorite summers in The Pines were 1977-1981, pre-AIDS, when one would waft along the boardwalk and bump into Margeaux Hemingway stoned and Calvin Klein’s house dripped with stunning blond beauties. After all, that was the best of times for New York City, when chic was an adjective, not a noun.
If I were a socialite in the Hamptons, I would be fatoozted as to where to go, which dinner to attend, art opening to swing by, club to drink at, home to visit. The pressure must be mind boggling. As for Fire Island, though extricating the Bohemian grunge might make the needy Baby Boomers off-spring happy, it surely will lose the je ne sais quoi that it once had. Seeing Halston on the rickety steps of the old Pavilion, chatting with a lanky group of Burrow-ettes in flowing, silk caftans will forever best a group of shirtless muscle queens, teeth grinding. One can expect the malling of The Pines, while the Bright Young Things of the Hamptons will be fabulous twenty four hours a day. These reasons that make it hard for someone like me to find peace of mind out East. Perhaps this summer I will find a meditative quiet here in New York City, discovering old places and shops that otherwise have been forgotten. After all, there is no place like home.
If you thought Star Jones’ circus of a wedding to Al Whatsisname was annoying, hold on to your uber-sponsored hats. The cross-promotional wedding of the century is about to unfold, so stock up on your Dramamine, ’cause a fierce case of nausea is about to ensue. Unlike the wedding of the century last month between Prince William and Kate Middleton, the pending nuptials between Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries will surely reek of C and D list celebrities, lots of flat-ironed hair and enough loose curl extensions to last a lifetime. Needless to say, there will be a run on sherbert colored Herve Leger dresses, so Max Azria, get cracking. I am sure every designer wants to dress Kim for her special day and the jockeying must be under way. Knowing Kim’s mother though, we can expect to see:
- Kim wearing Vera Wang for David’s Bridal but only if she gets to be the model for the collection as well as be the model for Vera Wang@ Kohl’s for one million dollars.
- Kim to become the celebrity ambassador to Wet n Wild Cosmetics and creating a Win A Trip To Kim’s Wedding promotion.
- Kim and Kris will honeymoon at the fully sponsored Atlantis Hotel and Casino because they can have a whole wing to themselves. Besides, Sandals Grand Riviera couldn’t come up with the dosh.
- Kim’s bridesmaids will have their own plethora of sponsored opportunities, starting with Pink Vodka Cosmopolitan Bridal Shower at Lavo Las Vegas and Lavo New York, yes two parties going on simultaneously to be telecast on the E! Network.
- Kim’s footwear will naturally be from her new company Show Dazzle. Surely we can expect a Win a Pair of the Kim Wedding Shoes promo as well.
As you can see, it is endless. My question is, are they holding Kim’s belly together in this shot because, heaven forbid, she is with child? If that is the case. Get ready Kris Kardashian, because the baby promo whirlwind will be almost as exhausting and the bridal one. Surely we can expect:
- Kim’s baby becoming the new face of the Gerber Baby Food Jar.
- Kim’s baby designing his/her own line of baby togs kicking Madonna’s daughter Lola from the youngest ever celebrity fashion designer.
- Kim opening a line of play centers, rendering Gymboree useless. Why would you not want your kids to hob nob with celebrities at Kim’s Kids N Play from the moment they can walk and talk on?
And this is just the beginning. Pass me a Dramamine and a Percocet.
What’s with the teary goodbyes to Oprah? OK, so her afternoon chat show is going dark after 25 years, but surely Oprah is not about to pull a Greta Garbo and veer off into obscurity. Trust me, she does not want to be alone. On the contrary. Be prepared to see more of Oprah in the weeks, months and quarter centuries to come. Unless you have been living under a rock, you will know that Oprah has created her OWN Network, which is her own network, a.k.a. Oprah Winfrey Network. When you create a network like when Ted Turner started CNN, you become a full-throttle, in the public eye, media celebrity. Expect that and much more from our Oprah. The hub-bub leading to tomorrow’s final show is reminiscent of the PR around, “Who Shot JR?” and the final episode of “Mash”. Trust me, this will not have the same impact. Sure, I love Oprah, but when I would find myself watching the show at four o’clock in the afternoon, it was usually during a deep depression. This is not a slight intended for Oprah viewers, but if I am in bed on any given afternoon as opposed to working, that is not a good thing.
Why do I feel obligated to apologize for not fawning over the finale of this female-driven chat show? Surely this is not toodles, rather a big, fat hello. Oprah will provide the Oprah-viewing audience with 24-7, Oprah-like programming of chat shows and lovable reruns and all things fluffy. Surely there will be many searing documentary-style informative hullabaloos, but to fill a network is not easy. Look at the O Network. Outside of Janice Dickinson and reruns of Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds, what else is there besides the occasional bootylicious nonsense? When Oprah was on the recent Oscars telecast, I knew then that powerhouse Hollywood agents at CAA were planning to take the Oprah brand to the nth power. The goal was to dangle her before the global movie going audience, away from the context of daytime chit-chat queen.
Though I was annoyed with Oprah when she re-sealed Hillary Clinton’s glass ceiling, I have always respected Oprah and likened her to our Princess Di, since we have no real royalty in the United States and she has minions, like a Princess. But what made Oprah so successful was her Gary Cooper-like Mr. Deeds Goes To Town every person quality. She made it OK to have foibles like weight and family issues. She gave us a free pass to be imperfect, and begin to work on ourselves. Her commitment to books was beyond admirable. One can only hope that she produces a one-hour show on books alone on her new OWN. Oprah’s coverage of self-help philosophies sometimes was met with controversy. According to psychotherapist, Jonathan Alpert, “I think ‘The Secret,’ and all those other things, are absolute garbage and grossly irresponsible — telling people to hang a picture and wish for something,” Alpert says. “Without a strategic plan, they just give people a false sense of hope.” I guess you can’t tune in for an hour and think that you can heal or change without a long term personal investment, but I think we all have watched some Oprah and walked away feeling really good about ourselves. And that will always be Oprah’s greatest teaching moment.